Limericks

There was a young woman named Saoirse
Who joined Team GB as an aoirse
But her aim wasn’t great
Almost shot her best mate
Which led to her rapid depaoirse.

There was a young lady named Caoimhe
Who lived in a dam with a baoimhe
Her sister Louise
Lived nearby in some trees

With six bats and a golden retraoimhe.

Roland Emmerich's new film is called Moonfall
The Moon's going to pay us a close call
But where will it land?
And where should we stand?
I'm steering clear of the White House, y'all.

A typical Emmerich film features
Lots of rockets and heroes and creatures
What drives this mad artist?
In the depths of his heart is
A desire to annoy physics teachers.

Newt Scamander’s never quite tough enough
To catch his pet niffler who snaffles stuff.
Well-meaning, sincere,
And not quite all here:
In other words – typical Hufflepuff...

Roland Emmerich is filming Foundation
That’s my favourite sci-fi creation!
I can’t help but speculate
How he plans to integrate
His trademark White House desecration.

Roland Emmerich’s last film was Anonymous
‘Bout the man with whom theatre is synonymous
You can learn such a lot
From the well researched plot
Who knew Shakespeare blew up the White House?

(on mayflies, posted to The L Blog)
A mayfly's precious hours are so few
Their limericks all stop at line two.

A moth larvae caught by surprise
Was bitten and parasitized
And as she pupated
The eggs incubated
Making spider inside’er inside.

(on competitive cider brewing, posted to The L Blog)
The cider decider was tied
And the judge found she couldn't decide
Between a local provider
Or a cider outsider
Who'd plied her with cider inside.

That callous young man Paul Atreides
Always had a (blue) eye for the ladies
Through the dunes he would ride
With a girl on each side
On his bang pimped up sandworm Mercedes.

LOLspeak is l33t, no?
It’s easier than Arapaho
LOL WP
FTW woo yay!
ROTFLMAO.

(on calculus, posted to Mike's World)
Said Leibniz, I must put the boot in
Your discovery of calculus I’m disputin
There was no clear victory
But as time approached infinity
The answer did tend towards Newton.

(on the demise of Paul the Psychic Octopus, posted to The L Blog)
Your predictions have come to an end
Leaving heartbreak and tears to descend
Your epitaph might be
"A brief life burns brightly"
So farewell my eight-legged friend.

(haiku on ecstatic slaughter of puny humans, posted to Topless Robot)
Ak ak ak ak ak
Akak akak ak akak
Ak ak akak ak.