Your Message Could Not Be Delivered [Review: You've Got Mail!]

 I have always cited Nora Ephron's You've Got Mail! as being the worst film of all time. But everyone deserves a second chance. I gave it a second viewing to see if I had been too harsh. TLDR: I had not.

I should say that I am quite tolerant of bad films in general. I am a fan of The Asylum's brand of cheap and cheerful mockbusters, and I even sat through most of Shark Exorcist before giving up. My problem with Shark Exorcist was not the poor script, acting, CGI or editing, but the fact that this is a movie about a shark possessed by a demon (which incidentally makes no difference whatsoever to its predator behaviour) and disappointingly not about a shark who is also an exorcist.

Also, despite my love of sci-fi and fantasy I am not opposed to the romantic comedy genre in principle. Brief Encounter, Breakfast At Tiffany's, Four Weddings, Pretty Woman and When Harry Met Sally... are all great films.

So why does You've Got Mail! bring out the same reaction for me as others have described when watching The Human Centipede: First Sequence? Let's consider the evidence:

• Everyone loves a goofy screwball romcom, right? Here's a goofy screwball romcom about a manipulative creep who gaslights a vulnerable adult. Cute!

• There is no character development. Both Kathleen and Joe are exactly the same people at the start and the end. They don't grow. They don't even learn that women can fake orgasms or overcome their fear of heights. Dramatic journey? More like an hour and twenty minutes on a roundabout.

• With one exception, all the cast appear to be half asleep, wandering through the scenes in a daze and delivering their lines on half-speed. Did Ephron have to drug them all to get them to participate? Or are they dosing themselves up to forget?

• With one exception, all the supporting characters are zero-dimensional. Their only point (Ha! Geometry joke!) is to distract from the dopiness of both lead characters.

• Above all else, this is a Nora Ephron film. Nora smegging Ephron! Ephron is a legendary writer and director, responsible for some truly great films, including When Harry Met Sally... one of the most well-loved films ever. Her uncredited work on Shark Exorcist aside, her writing always, always hits the mark - so this film's greatest crime, and greatest disappointment, is that it doesn't live up to the Ephron standard.

I challenged myself to find something positive to say about this terrible film. I found two things:

• It's a highly effective Internet safety video. I'm sure if You've Got Mail! was compulsory viewing at school, the next generation would happily abandon their TikToktagrams and their Snapcords and re-discover the delights of wooden spinning tops and Knock Down Ginger.

• One character in this movie only appears in three scenes but is a delight. She's quick-witted, dynamic, energetic, superficially evil but actually extremely thoughtful. Happily she makes her escape from the manipulative creep, but this means we barely get to know her. Personally I would rather see less of Creepy Joe or MPDG Kathleen and spend the whole hour and twenty minutes in the company of someone who makes coffee nervous.

I cannot give this truly awful piece of cinematic history any more than a mediocre three stars out of five.

Score: Three stars out of five.

All movies reviewed on The Sci-Fi Gene blog are awarded three stars out of five.

Next Phase, New Wave, Dance Craze, Anyways [Open Theremin V4]

Open Theremin V4 kit arrived today!

This is the kit. All the components of the V4 screw or click together so there's no need for dodgy soldering.

Like the V3, the V4 is a digital theremin based on an Arduino. Cleverly, as both Arduino and Open Theremin are open source design projects, the Arduino is included in the circuit for the V4, so there's no need to buy one separately. For more information or to buy a kit you can head to the project website here.

Side by side comparison: the V4 is taller, slimmer and lighter than the V3, and doesn't need to sit on a separate Arduino. Controls are basically the same but the play/standby control is a finger touchpad instead of a switch. Power is now USB-C, and there is now a CV line for synthesizer as well as the mini-jack audio.

I am completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly. Assembled, up and running after just a few minutes, and I've started playing. Feels and sounds very similar to the V3 so far. I will however need to order a longer USB-C cable. I might build a LEGO case later, but for the moment I'm enjoying the sleek, minimalist design too much. I shall record some videos and inflict some "music" on you soon.

Bad Teacher [Review: Battle Royale]

A Japanese high school class runs riot, with all sorts of behaviour in classroom and corridors, and pupils bullying and even stabbing their teacher. But this is all in a near-future Japan where, following an economic collapse attributed to a failure of discipline in schools, a law has been passed allowing classes of misbehaving pupils to be kidnapped, sent to an island, given a weapon (or in some cases a harmless item such as a shield or a torch) and some basic supplies, and left to fight to the death, with only the last child standing allowed to return home. And who should appear as the sadistic director of this particular Battle Royale but that same stabbed teacher, glorying in revenge on his former antagonists.

Battle Royale is a Japanese movie released in 2000, starring Tatsuya Fujiwara and Aki Maeda as students Shuya and Noriko, and Takeshi Kitano (the presenter of the original Takeshi's Castle) as teacher Kitano. It's a violent and darkly humorous horror movie, with frequent and graphic deaths. While it's clear that Shuya is the protagonist, most of the class are also given well-rounded characters and their alliances and duels are all played out, so the high number of characters can make the film a little hard to follow in places. Obviously this gets easier as the film progresses and more of the cast are eliminated.

Battle Royale isn't the only movie to portray gladiatorial games - of course Roman gladiators feature in Spartacus (1960) and Gladiator (also 2000), while Arena (1989) gives the concept a sci-fi twist. However there are a lot of similarities between Battle Royale and subsequent gladiatorial stories, particularly the Hunger Games books and films, and the recent Korean TV series Squid Game.

I enjoyed this movie although it does require a strong stomach and a pitch-black sense of humour. I would recommend it as an excellent revenge fantasy for any frustrated teacher. Three shuriken stars out of five.

Killing Me Softly [Reviews: The Love Witch and Season Of The Witch]

Witches are an endless source of fascination. Despite the attempts of Hans Christian Anderson, centuries of overzealous missionaries and Roald Dahl to paint them as agents of evil, our culture is full of more positive examples of witchcraft, whether in books, films, or in the real world with the modern day resurgence of Wicca. As a child I learned to read with Meg and Mog and later enjoyed reading about Mildred Hubble which should allow you to calculate my age. TV is full of portrayals of witches as powerful but sympathetic figures, such as Julia Wicker in The Magicians, or the magical cadets of Motherland: Fort Salem. Meanwhile there are plenty of films that use the concept of the witch in interesting ways - here are two recent examples I enjoyed.

The Love Witch

The Love Witch (2016) stars Samantha Robinson as modern-day witch Elaine Parks who sets out to start a new life and find love - with unfortunate, deadly consequences for her would-be lovers. It's filmed as a stylish tribute to 1960s Technicolor, with lavish settings and exaggerated colour schemes. Parks is literally a femme fatale but also a complex character, vulnerable, lonely and driven, and mesmerizing to watch. In some ways she reminded me of Alice Lowe's character Ruth from Prevenge, but Parks is not actually driven to kill (well, not often), it's just that her love is too intense for the men she charms.

The Love Witch also celebrates another form of witchcraft - that is, obsessive auteur-driven filmmaking. Anna Biller wrote, directed, scored, edited and produced the movie, spent several years finding, restoring or making the furniture for each scene, and made her own foray into witchcraft. The result is a unique and powerful vision combining feminine and feminist themes.

Season Of The Witch

Season Of The Witch (1973) is an early George A. Romero film. It's curiously deficient in brain-eating swarms of zombies, instead the story revolves around dissatisfied and Wicca-curious housewife Joan (Jan White), her controlling husband, and her daughter who is having an affair with a teacher. Joan is introduced to Marion, a newcomer to the suburb who practises witchcraft, and gradually becomes drawn into witchcraft herself. This is more of a drama than a horror film, although there is threat and violence in places, and Joan experiences some creepy dream sequences in which she faces exaggerated or metaphoric versions of her everyday life. 

Romero described this as a feminist film, and I think this is justified: it is the story of a woman in a controlling relationship who finds a way to empower herself and change her life (this escape theme also qualifies it as Science Fiction TM). The feminist aspect is simpler and less sophisticated than The Love Witch, and arguably the feminist credentials are further eroded by the release history, as a cut-down version was published and marketed (I think misleadingly) as softcore porn.

Both films portray witches as powerful and unintentionally dangerous, while at the same time portraying witchcraft as a positive feminine role and as an alternative to patriarchy and convention. I awarded both films three pentagrams out of five.

All Time High [Preview: The Challenge]

 As I write this, Russian sci-fi feature Вызов (The Challenge) enters production. It's an unconventional movie featuring a very small production team. The plot involves a cardiac surgeon sent into orbit to save the life of a cosmonaut - and right now, director Klim Shipenko and actor Yulia Peresild are part way through a two-week stay on the International Space Station shooting the movie.

On Tuesday, Oct. 5, cosmonaut Anton Shkaplerov will join actress Yulia Peresild and producer Klim Shipenko on a @Space_Station-bound Soyuz launch, expanding commercial space opportunities in filmmaking.

Our live coverage begins at 4:15 AM ET (8:15 AM UT): https://t.co/FY7OEDbIZN pic.twitter.com/O2yKF7E6Zk

— NASA (@NASA) October 1, 2021

According to this report by the BBC this project has divided opinions at Roskosmos, with some senior managers including Sergei Krikalev, head of crewed missions, strongly opposed to it. This surprised me as Krikalev is himself the star of a movie set in space - the documentary Out Of The Present, which is an account of his record-breaking stay on the space station Mir during a time of colossal political change below him on Earth. He launched to orbit from the communist Soviet Union but returned the following year to the emerging Russian Federation. His film is fascinating, often funny, exciting, inspiring and of historical importance.

Those arguing against the project felt that it would detract from the scientific mission of the ISS. But should science be the only reason for space exploration? If this really is a different way to inspire artists and creators, and to create works of art different from those on Earth, then perhaps experimenting with this new medium is also valuable. Perhaps we should send painters, songwriters and poets into orbit to see what they bring back. And there is certainly value in storytelling to inspire the next generation. In my very brief student attachment at NASA, I learned that NASA is staffed almost 100% by Trekkies - it really is true that Star Trek inspired thousands of people to go into science, engineering and space careers.

Coming Soon

I've neglected the Sci-Fi Gene blog a little this year. Real life has taken over a bit. The past 18 months of the coronavirus pandemic have felt like living through a sci-fi movie - and a really cheap one, with over-the-top melodramatic portrayals of world leaders and a badly researched and predictable script.

However, now is as good as any time to return to the fray. The Sci-Fi Gene is preparing for a new wave of sci-fi productions - on the horizon are new seasons of Doctor Who, Lost In Space, Discovery and The Expanse. Right now I'm enjoying the second series of French drama Missions, about a private space race between two tech billionaires (I don't know where they get their crazy ideas!)

I've also been surprised and amazed by Lower Decks which is possibly my favourite Star Trek series now. The first series was good fun, but I'm currently halfway through the second series which is outstanding. In the sci-fi adjacent area I've enjoyed BBC submarine drama Vigil, as well as the second series of military witch drama Fort Salem, and this weekend I saw an obscure arthouse flick about some retired secret agent who likes cars. Probably won't do all that well but it's important to support these little indie productions - and well done to the producers for persuading Billie Eilish to do the soundtrack.

And then there's this.

I'm really looking forward to this highly original space opera from The Asylum when it opens in a couple of weeks. I just hope no-one spoils it by releasing some knock-off remake with a similar setting and title at the same time.

Eleven Great Sci-Fi and Fantasy Shows On The BBC That Aren't Doctor Who - Part 2

This is part 2 of my dive into the unmapped, shadowy depths of the BBC, hidden beyond all human knowledge, where in the darkness lurk strange, bizarre science fiction and fantasy productions that are not even slightly Doctor Who. You can read part 1 here.

The Cipher

When 16-year-old genius Sabrina (Anya Chalotra) cracks The Cipher, an impossible online puzzle, she is recruited by a mysterious organization to help in the hunt for a serial killer targetting scientists. Although this BBC audio drama/podcast is also about conspiracies and medical mysteries, The Cipher exchanges the bleak horror of Tracks for a rollercoaster of sci-fi concepts and 180-degree twists in every episode.

Life On Mars

So this is a show about a time travelling policeman, starring John Simm, and it's still not Doctor Who. Instead it's a modern take on Mark Twain's Connecticut Yankee. By-the-book policeman Sam Tyler suffers a head injury which sends him back in time from 2006 to the 1970s, where he finds himself working for DCI Gene Hunt (Philip Glenister), a character who positively embraces the non-politically-correct policing attitudes of the era. As we all know, it is the law that police officers are always paired up on the basis of opposing personality traits, and Life On Mars features possibly the most explosive pairing in any book, movie or TV series ever.

DEVS

Written by Alex Garland, produced by FX and broadcast by the BBC, DEVS is a cyber thriller about quantum computer programmers working for a secretive tech company. Lily (Sonoya Mizuno) gets herself hired in order to investigate her boyfriend's disappearance, while CEO Forest (Nick Offerman, channeling Jeff Bridges) tries to control... well, everything. DEVS features beautiful, chilling set design and lighting which underscores some intense performances and a neat sci-fi concept.

What We Do In The Shadows

This American TV series spins off the original New Zealand movie, set in the same reality but featuring a new household of flat-sharing vampires living on Staten Island. It's only broadcast by the BBC but could easily pass for a britcom, with shades of Being Human and The Office, featuring The I.T. Crowd's Matt Berry and introducing the brilliant concept of energy vampires. Funny and dark.

Fort Salem

One more American TV series brought to the UK and broadcast on the BBC, Fort Salem is set in an alternate timeline where the Salem trials ended with the witches agreeing to become the U.S. Army. Cut to the present day where three witch cadets, Raelle, Tally and Abigail chant their way through their military training under the shadow of General Sarah Alder, learning how to use sound-based magic and who to trust, as the army gears up to fight the Spree, a terrorist witch faction.

His Dark Materials

I have saved the best until last. This non-Doctor-Who fantasy series, based on the books of Philip Pullman, is a georgeous adaptation, innovative in the way the plot is re-worked for television, and at the same time extremely faithful to the characters, settings and overall story. It's more faithful and more magical than the 2007 movie, and unlike the movie the antiestablishment theme is not diluted. The icing on the cake is the casting and acting - Dafne Keen as Lyra, Ruth Wilson as Mrs. Coulter, James McAvoy as Asriel and Lin-Manuel Miranda as Lee Scoresby.

Eleven Great Sci-Fi and Fantasy Shows On The BBC That Aren't Doctor Who - Part 1

Can you have too much Who?

Even as a lifelong fan of the BBC's flagship sci-fi drama, I'm aware that one of the risks of pouring so much investment and energy in to one show is that it can eclipse other shows, particularly other science fiction and fantasy. So it's worth reminding ourselves that, believe it or not, there are occasionally programmes shown on the BBC channels that aren't Doctor Who. And no, I'm not talking about Torchwood. Here, to prove my point, are eleven BBC sci-fi or fantasy shows that are not even a tiny bit Doctor Who.

I should add that some of the shows here are produced by the BBC, often in collaboration with other networks, while others are produced elsewhere and were broadcast by the BBC thereby demonstrating their excellent taste in programme purchasing. I'll try to make it clear which is which.

This is part 1 of the article. You can read part 2 here.

Good Omens

Adaptation of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchet's novel about the unlikely friendship between an angel (Michael Sheen) and a devil (David Tennant) both of whom prefer living on Earth to Heaven or Hell respectively. Co-produced by BBC and Amazon and broadcast in 2019 and 2020, this show is funny, inventive and satisfyingly bonkers, and despite starring David Tennant it is definitely not Doctor Who.

War Of The Worlds

Since H.G.Wells first invented the alien invasion trope there have been rather a lot of adaptations of War Of The Worlds. I have a soft spot for the 1953 movie, and would probably describe the Jeff Wayne musical version as my favourite. I'm less fond of the £2 coin adaptation featuring the four-legged Tripod. I really like the BBC's 2019 miniseries. Instead of setting it in the present day, it's a period drama set in the early 1900s. The story loosely follows much of the novel, but centres on George (Rafe Spall) and his scandalous girlfriend Amy (Eleanor Tomlinson) thereby increasing the number of lead female characters from zero to one. We all know the Martians lose, and how, so a good adaptation of WOTW needs to add something original. This series uses flashforwards to show the aftermath of the war - a world still grieving and still on its' knees many years after the Martian defeat.

Tracks

This might be one of the best things the BBC has ever done. Five series of audio dramas, or if you prefer, fiction podcasts, starring Romola Garai as Helen, a GP who is drawn in to a series of conspiracies after she witnesses a horrific plane crash - and rises to the challenge. Written by Matthew Broughton, each series is an intelligent biomedical thriller very much in the vein of Michael Crichton or Robin Cook.

Missions

Broadcast on the BBC in 2018, this is a sci-fi drama about tech tycoons Meyer and Goldstein, who are not at all inspired by Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos, their privately-funded expeditions to Mars and the surprising discoveries they make on the surface. The series follows Jeanne Renoir (Hélène Viviès), the psychologist trying to keep the crew of Meyer's expedition sane; but as this is a French drama, she must also be having an affair with the married captain.

Dracula

Two out of three ain't bad. A completely new BBC adaptation of Dracula written by Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat, starring Claes Bang as Dracula, and combining the wit and inventiveness of Sherlock with the sumptuous gothic shenanigans of the Hammer Christopher Lee/Peter Cushing series of movies. I loved the first two episodes, set in Dracula's Transylvania castle and then on board a ship sailing for England, and the rivalry between Dracula and his nemesis Sister Agatha (Dolly Wells) which runs through the series. The third episode which brings Dracula into a completely different setting is a gamble, and I found it less satisfying although there's still a lot to enjoy.

To be continued...

Ghost In The Machine [Review: Host]

Housebound under lockdown conditions, Haley and her friends decide to use their weekly Zoom call to carry out an online séance. Haley (Haley Bishop) has hired a medium, Seylan (Seylan Baxter), to lead them in what will no doubt be a fun, entertaining evening without anything sinister or dangerous happening. What could possibly go wrong?

Host (2020) is a found-footage horror movie that takes place in real time during a Zoom call. It’s not in any way related to The Host (2013), the movie based on Stephenie Meyer’s alien parasite rom com novel reviewed here, or to Korean newt-based horror The Host (2006), reviewed here. Host is set during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic - and it was also filmed during the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic, during a period of lockdown. Cast and crew could not leave their own homes so had to set up equipment and film themselves at home, with director Rob Savage guiding them remotely. The concept of the Zoom séance is a clever way to make a film under these tough conditions.

Other aspects of the film add to the improvised feel – the cast all use their own names, and family members appear in cameo or supporting roles. The script makes good use of all the Zoom cliches we’ve grown to love tolerate over the past year – sound and vision glitches, people joining while mute, dodgy animated backgrounds, pyjamas and badly-timed Ocado deliveries. Acting is excellent, there’s a lot of humour, and there’s a good, gradual ramping up of tension leading to full-on catastrophe.

In a year where making any movie has been difficult, a crew have come together against the odds to release a new, low-budget, creepy and effective horror movie not unlike Paranormal Activity, reviewed here. In fact my only criticism of this movie is that it is a little too like Paranormal Activity, with one or two fright scenes almost borrowed wholesale. For this reason, although I really enjoyed Host, I am only giving it three stars.

Score: 3 out of 5 stars

All movies reviewed on the Sci-Fi Gene blog are given a score of 3 out of 5 stars.

I'll Take The High Road [Review: Cloudpunk]

It's a rainy night in Nivalis. You're a recently arrived immigrant and a newly signed-up courier for the slightly illegal delivery company Cloudpunk, delivering parcels to customers around the city guided by the mysterious and melancholy Control. You're penniless and alone apart from your flute and your naive, excitable AI companion Camus the dog. And you have a flying car. It's a cheap pile of junk, handles terribly, and guzzles fuel, but it's still a flying car.

The star of adventure game Cloudpunk is the setting - Nivalis, a massive sprawling neon-infused megacity that you can explore freely in your HOVA or on foot. It's a huge voxellated environment, insanely detailed and full of character. The architecture is extraordinary, and it's alive with activity. HOVAs whip past you along the powered highways or take shortcuts between buildings, and the streets are full of strangers and robots - most minding their own business, but a few who will converse with you, leading to discoveries or side-quests. Even if there were no game element simply exploring the city would be an absolute pleasure. Cloudpunk is basically the game version of every flying car fantasy ever, particularly the neo-noir settings of the Blade Runner films, the Fifth Element or Revenge of the Sith, and it also reminded me strongly of other adventure games I've enjoyed - particularly Omicron: The Nomad Soul, and Anachronox, both of which also feature futuristic cities, free exploration and flying cars.

The main story is told through a series of missions usually taking you from a pickup point to a customer. Rania's conversations with her customers reveal the nature of Nivalis and of this future society, as well as clues leading to a mystery about the city's past. Your meetings with customers are like short stories - you get a brief glimpse of their personalities and lives before moving on to another story.

As a game Cloudpunk is easy. You don't have to learn the Nivalis equivalent of The Knowledge - nav points guide you through Nivalis to your destination. There aren't any time limits on the missions, and there don't seem to be any ways to die or lose - even your encounters with robot gang members and other unsavoury characters don't seem to turn violent. Most of the missions are pretty linear, although occasionally you are offered a moral choice in how you complete them. Fuel this costs money, and you don't earn much as a courier, so getting enough money to buy fuel and repair damage is a challenge, and you'll need to work very hard to upgrade your HOVA or pimp your apartment. Simply flying around the city will eventually use up all your cash, although there are a few alternative ways to make money, such as picking up abandoned items and selling them to merchants.

It's always interesting playing a non-violent game. Again comparing to Nomad Soul's beat-em-up and FPS sequences, they added challenge and peril to the game, but detracted from the story, and often caused frustration when I wanted to continue with the story, explore the setting or just enjoy the David Bowie soundtrack, not repeat the action sequence hundreds of times because it was slightly too hard. Those action sequences could have been removed without detracting from the game - as Cloudpunk proves. Cloudpunk also has a more modern outlook in all aspects of its' writing - Rania often finds herself challenging NPCs about their cultural assumptions and attitudes. And I have been playing for several hours and the plot has not lead me to either a red light district or a strip club - unlike every single other noir-inspired book, movie or game.

To sum it up, Cloudpunk is a beautiful, joyful world to explore, and it's an experience first and game second. While I should be delivering parcels non-stop, it's tempting and equally rewarding just to wander around immersing myself in the scenery and taking selfies.