Unfrigateable That's What You Are [Review: Battleship]

I'm not going to get into the thorny question of whether Hasbro's latest movie adaptation Battleship is a good movie or not. I mean, what is this, some kind of review? Instead I'll mostly focus on some of the outstanding triumphs this movie achieves, and you can decide for yourself whether these historic achievements alone justify the price of admission.

Battleship outstanding triumph #1: Which family members did they kidnap in order to persuade Liam Neeson to appear - and act - in Battleship? This sure beats Alec Guinness waking up with a hangover to discover that "George Lucas talked me into playing who?" Henceforth in all future reviews Mr. Neeson shall be referred to as Liam Neeson (Battleship).

Battleship outstanding triumph #2: The rules of the Battleship game really do get translated into the plot. Navy gunner Rihanna calls out grid co-ordinates as the crew fire shells at the alien vessels. They are invisible to radar, so although large enough and close enough to see with a cheap pair of binoculars, the crew decide to guess their location indirectly based on movements of ocean sensor-buoys. One sailor also states with great conviction that the aliens can't see the human ships either. They so can.

Battleship outstanding triumph #3: further adaptation of the Battleship game. The aliens deploy an explosive that actually resembles a Battleship peg - and only sinks the ship when several pegs have been fired into the hull.

I think I've made my point. You can see a lot of thought went into this adaptation and surely it's faithful enough to the source to satisfy the legions of fanatical Battleship players worldwide.

White Collar Boy On The Run From The Law [Review: The Next Three Days]

"What kind of criminal drives a Prius?"
"A socially responsible one?"

The Next Three Days stars Russell Crowe and Elizabeth Banks. Lara is convicted of murdering her boss on what appears to be extremely strong evidence. John, her husband, is convinced of her innocence and as appeal after appeal fails he puts together a plan to spring her from jail.

Crowe's character is attempting to escape his and Lara's fate, so The Next Three Days is science fiction. This is also a jailbreak movie but instead of hardened criminals or captured soldiers there's an ordinary man - an English Lit lecturer - trying to do something extraordinary for love.

In addition to Crowe and Banks who are excellent, Liam Neeson and Olivia Wilde have smaller but memorable roles. Meanwhile Crowe gets to make crazy diagrams on walls again, something I loved in A Beautiful Mind. See below for details of the other central cast member.

The film also provides a helpful tutorial on prison breaks including how to make a bump key, and how to force a car lock using a tennis ball. The plot relies on luck slightly too often but this is still an extremely enjoyable fantasy. The subtle influence of Don Quixote is a nice touch, as is the fact that one of the main characters is diabetic. However not everything is quite so subtle.

Did I mention the car? For two thirds of this movie Crowe is seen driving a black Toyota Prius in almost every shot. The car is as central to the plot as John himself, it gets shot at and damaged, and many of the Prius' most interesting features are showcased: for instance, in one scene it reverses into a short child. This is plausible given the poor rear visibility, but surely the child would have been visible on the rearview camera?

On second thoughts, I'm sure Russell Crowe can park without a parking autopilot so maybe he only has the T3 trim. The camera lingers lovingly over the Toyota logo, and in case you missed it all, there's the exchange above between two policemen puzzling over the Prius' presence at the scene of an attack. Product placement? I don't know what you're talking about.