Warning: Thieves Operate In This Hospital [Review: The Skin I Live In]

Surgeons are the new zombies!

The last few years have done a lot to raise the profile of Evil Medical School, particularly the surgical department. Mr. Josef Heiter’s pioneering work in the field of humancentipedial surgery has been celebrated in Tom Six’s two highly educational and tasteful films. Now Heiter’s classmate, Mr. Robert Ledgard stars in Pedro Almodovar’s extremely dark film “The Skin I Live In” – winner of Best Foreign Language Film at the 2012 BAFTAs. Principal Frank’n’Furter would be proud, if he wasn’t still on sabbatical in Transylvania.

Ledgard, played by Antonio Banderas, is an acclaimed surgeon and researcher. Following the death of his wife in a fire, he is pioneering an artificial skin replacement which will be fireproof – but as it is a transgenic tissue, his research is controversial and might be shut down.

He claims to have tested the skin on mice but the Ledgard home is full of secret laboratories and operating theatres. He keeps a beautiful but strange woman, Vera, locked in a room under CCTV observation, and he has already given her several skin transplants. Vera is played enigmatically by Elena Anaya. Is she held against her will, or has she submitted to captivity out of love for Ledgard?

Ledgard’s mother also lives in the house and works for Ledgard as his housekeeper. The unexpected arrival of a man dressed as a tiger, on the run after a robbery, shakes up the situation and brings back the past – in a series of discussions and flashbacks we learn that the fire was only the start of the Ledgard family tragedy, while Vera turns out to be far more than just a captive lab-rat.

The Skin I Live In equals the darkness of Tom Six’s work without ever resorting to bad taste. With a steadier hand at the tiller, performances and production in this film are outstanding. It’s also a departure from Almodovar’s usual bright, clashing colours - instead the palette is dominated by pastels, skin tones and surgical blues or greys.

Three's A Crowd [Review: Human Centipede: First Sequence]

A few years ago, writer Chuck Palahniuk came up with the short story "Guts" which was reputed to cause mass blackouts and vomiting at public readings. I managed to remain conscious myself but it is certainly a disquieting read - cleverly written, using imagery to trigger a particular gut response (pun intended.)

If Chuck Palahniuk had written the script for The Rocky Horror Show, the result might have been Tom Six's film Human Centipede: First Sequence. The set-up is similar: on a dark and stormy night, two naive youngsters en route to a party are trapped in the middle of nowhere by a flat tyre, finding themselves at a mysterious house in the woods to be offered "help" by a sinister stranger. As with Frank'n'Furter, Dr. Heiter (a graduate of the Evil Medical School, played creepily by Dieter Laser) is also obsessed with creating the perfect human being - it's just that his obsession has less to do with muscles and blonde hair, and more to do with sewing three people together nose to tail to create a single being sharing one long alimentary tract.

If you have seen the film or are planning to, you probably know all of the above. This film is CONTRIVED CONTRIVED CONTRIVED from start to finish - it's raison d'etre is to bring you to the creation of this unnatural being and, as with Palahniuk's story, to induce emotions through visceral reaction.

To this end, Ashley C. Williams and Ashlynn Yennie play their roles perfectly - ditzy, airheaded American party girls, lost, terrified. They give really strong performances and are perfect for the film, which hints at the uncomfortable theme of punishing those who are not worthy, as practised by Dr. Hannibal Lecter or the Jigsaw Killer - although in the end it's more about transplant compatibility.

Akihiro Kitamura, playing a Japanese tourist captured by Heiter, is also great but seems to be present purely because swearing sounds so much ruder in Japanese.

The film delivers pretty much what it says on the tin. It's slightly easier to stomach than expected. The style is more Hitchcock than Tarantino and the more horrific aspects take place in the viewer's mind rather than on-screen. For the most part it is effective horror, although there are certainly some scenes that elicited peals of laughter from the whole cinema audience. The "100% medically accurate" claim seems reasonable - at least, it compares well to certain nameless hospital TV dramas. However I noticed that while that nice Dr. Heiter does take his three subjects through the details of the operation using some nifty diagrams before putting them to sleep, he fails to obtain written consent - a surprising error for such an experienced surgeon.

This is a shamefully enjoyable little film. It would also make a great road safety video detailing what will undoubtedly happen to you if you don't learn how to change a tyre.

Human Centipede Patient Information

Tom Six's recently released horror-torture film is "100% medically accurate" according to the producers. Some more helpful information for potential patients:

• Here in the UK, between 20 and 35 Human Centipede operations are carried out every year by the National Health Service, with an unknown number also taking place in private clinics.

• The average NHS waiting time for the procedure is approximately eight months. The operation can only take place in a small number of specialist hospitals due to the need for a purpose-built, elongated operating theatre.

• Common side effects in the first three weeks post-op include knee pain, nausea, altered bowel habit, slowness of movement, pain, impaired vision and irrational aggressive impulses directed mainly towards the surgeon.

• National Institute for Health & Clinical Excellence (NICE) operative guidelines released in 2008 recommend that this procedure should not be used for children under 14 years of age, except as a last resort when all other options have proved unsuccessful.