Wednesday, 8 September 2010

Human Centipede Patient Information

Tom Six's recently released horror-torture film is "100% medically accurate" according to the producers. Some more helpful information for potential patients:
  • Here in the UK, between 20 and 35 Human Centipede operations are carried out every year by the National Health Service, with an unknown number also taking place in private clinics.

  • The average NHS waiting time for the procedure is approximately eight months. The operation can only take place in a small number of specialist hospitals due to the need for a purpose-built, elongated operating theatre.

  • Common side effects in the first three weeks post-op include knee pain, nausea, altered bowel habit, slowness of movement, pain, impaired vision and irrational aggressive impulses directed mainly towards the surgeon.

  • National Institute for Health & Clinical Excellence (NICE) operative guidelines released in 2008 recommend that this procedure should not be used for children under 14 years of age, except as a last resort when all other options have proved unsuccessful.

2 comments:

C.Bosco said...

Somehow I'm not convinced that the amount of toilet paper they'd save with this procedure outweighs the cons.

Sci-Fi Gene said...

Cost-effectiveness studies suggest that efficiency savings (and therefore benefits to the taxpayer) increase with the length of centipede, so while a chain of two or three patients might not be justified on toilet paper savings alone, the situation is quite different for a ten- or twelve-person centipede.