All Just A Little Bit Of History Repeating [Review: Titanic II]

“Let’s make history.” Captain Howard (D.C. Douglas)

“The watertight bulkheads were designed for a head on collision. We never anticipated being hit from the side.” Hayden Walsh (Shane Van Dyke)

“Women and children first?” Hayden Walsh
“Looks like history’s repeating itself.” Captain Howard

“That’s half the lifeboats!” Hayden Walsh

The bridge crew take their places. Champagne is served. The Titanic departs on it’s historic maiden voyage, the four steamless funnels shining brightly. Passengers wave at the Statue of Liberty as it glides past. Hang on. Statue of Liberty? The date is April 13th 2012, and this is the Titanic II, a replica ship departing on a memorial cruise that will retrace the original ship’s voyage. In reverse.

For the record, Titanic II may not be The Asylum’s finest hour. There are no sharks… at least no literal ones. Celebrity engineer Hayden Walsh (Shane Van Dyke) is the designer and owner of the Titanic II, which outwardly resembles the first Titanic but is in fact the most advanced ship ever built. He arrives on deck via helicopter with his four girlfriends in tow. Remind me - who wrote and directed this film? Oh yes.

Production values are varied. The Titanic II itself is pretty good – the Queen Mary doubles for it in dock, with a detailed CGI model taking over at sea. The whole replica ship concept has been given a lot of time and effort – non-functional funnels, hanging lifeboats which apparently don’t even float (instead there are some hi-tech submarine lifeboats below deck) and a reconstruction of the original bridge controls above the real, high-tech bridge.

Marie Westbrook and the Queen Mary as Amy Maine and Titanic II respectively

On the other hand, production values hit a spectacular low in a couple of scenes: Kim Patterson (Brooke Burns) exploring the collapsing polar ice shelf via some dodgy bluescreen, or Hayden and Amy (Marie Westbrook) climbing "up" a lift shaft Batman-and-Robin style.

This film is short – about half the length of Titanic I, and as with many Asylum films it’s quite enjoyable even though flawed. It’s not a spoof or comedy but nor does it take itself too seriously - it's a melodrama and the acting is suitably over the top. Shane Van Dyke does capture his role (half Leonardo Di Caprio, half Richard Branson) but the best performances come from D.C. Douglas, Marie Westbrook and Bruce Davison all of whom are very watchable and entertaining for all the right reasons.

Bruce Davison as Captain Maine

That Bruce Davison is an unsung hero. He deserves a knighthood for his services to science fiction through mastery of the Supporting Role. You might remember Mr. Davison as Senator Kelly in the X-Men films, or perhaps as George Henderson. If you were really lucky then you might have seen him play George Orr in the well-received 1980 TV movie Lathe Of Heaven. But check out his IMDb page where you can see he has taken occasional parts in Lost, Voyager, Enterprise, Sarah Connor Chronicles, V, Battlestar Galactica, Knight Rider, and The Outer Limits - no doubt adding that extra bit of credibility and richness to each episode.

Who is Shane Van Dyke? [Titanic II Week]

A message to everyone who sailed with me on Titanic II Week, I hope you've had a pleasant voyage. It's been a lot of fun writing these posts. I had hoped to bring you a review of Titanic II along the way but it hasn't been possible - in retrospect, shipping the review copy to me across the Atlantic by sea might have been asking for trouble...

Shane Van Dyke, director and star of Titanic II, comes from a hard-grafting cinematic dynasty: the Van Dykes. His grandfather Dick Van Dyke cut a swathe through Hollywood as cheery Cockney chimney sweep Bert in the classic witchcraft horror Mary Poppins. In his later years he would also become known as Dr. Mark Sloan of the long-running series Diagnosis: Murder. Dick Van Dyke's son Barry and another grandson Carey also worked on Diagnosis: Murder, Shane's aunt Stacy Van Dyke made a guest appearance, and the Happy Families set was completed when Shane himself appeared as medical student Alex Smith.

Shane has worked on other Asylum movies: he appears in Transmorphers: Fall Of Man which he also wrote, and Paranormal Entity which he also directed. I'm pleased to report that according to IMDb his next film Super Shark is in post production - you can never have enough films about sharks. What has the rest of the dynasty been up to? Shane and Carey Van Dyke also co-wrote The Day The Earth Stopped with Darren Dalton. You can look forward to seeing Carey again in Mega Python Vs Gatoroid, alongside Debbie Gibson and Tiffany who, contrary to popular belief, have not been cast in the title roles.

Source: IMDb

Jumpin' Jack Flash [Titanic II Week]

Following the success of Titanic I, a sequel has been on the cards for a long time as this trailer, completely unrelated to this week's Asylum movie release, proves. This is my favourite of the many re-cut Titanic sequel trailers out there on the Interwebs.

Incidentally did you know that another film titled Titanic 2 was released in 2002? The director was James Whalley and the plot of this short - an unlikely romance between an obsessive Titanic I fan (Elizabeth Ammann) and the janitor at a Titanic museum (Will Sexton) - sounds intriguing, I might have to get hold of that one.

[edit 28.8.10: grammar corrections, this Titanic 2 was a short film not a feature]

Mockbustin' makes me feel good [Titanic II Week]

It's always been my impression that it is not only the mockbuster studios that make mockbusters. The Asylum has cornered a reputation for films such as Transmorphers: Fall Of Man, The Day The Earth Stopped, and Snakes On A Train, which apparently resemble other movies although I'm not sure which.

However, I can't help but notice that, for example, a number of films released by Disney/Pixar, Dreamworks and other mainstream childrens' film studios bear curious resemblances to each other: Antz and A Bug's Life, The Wild and Madagascar, Finding Nemo and Shark Tale, WALL-E and Robots.

Another example is the run of post-apocalyptic road movies including Zombieland, The Road, The Book Of Eli, Carriers and so on.

The Asylum released their own version of Sherlock Holmes - with pterodactyls! - but at the same time the BBC released a present-day TV mini-series Sherlock. The BBC did exactly the same thing in 2005 with Casanova, starring a pre-Doctor Who David Tennant, around the time of the Heath Ledger movie of the same name.

When a movie or franchise proves successful, you get not just one lookalike but a flood: the success of Harry Potter led to a run on the children's literature bank with adaptations of C.S.Lewis, Susan Cooper and many more. Vampire movies have been on the ascendant for some time but in the wake of Twilight you can be sure there are plenty of sparkly lookalikes still to appear. And why is it both Tom Cruise and Kate Winslet appeared in Nazi movies so close together? Meanwhile, my wonderful guest blogger Amanda mentioned Paranormal Entity but somehow omitted Paranormal Calamity, Abnormal Activity and Paranormal Effect.

Sometimes the doppelganger isn't quite what you'd expect: I vaguely remember a reviewer pointing out that Super Mario Brothers turned out to be about dinosaurs - a departure from the theme of the computer games which, they speculated, might have been an attempt to cash in on the success of Jurassic Park.

Releasing movies that resemble other movies works for the same reason we go to see sequels and re-makes, because a good movie leaves us wanting more. Right across the industry, producers are whispering to each other in smoky speakeasies: "Warner are releasing a mummy/ insect/ robot/ octopus/ supermarket trolley movie next Spring - quick, can we get one out too?"

And The Band Played On [Titanic II Week]

Something to listen to while you rearrange the deckchairs.

Not Drowning But Waving [Titanic II Week]

The iconic departure scene in Titanic I was flipped in post-production so that the ship would appear to betravelling in the right direction. As a result, the number of left-handed people seen waving from the deck is disproportionately high - I don't know about you but that completely ruined Titanic I for me. Talk about jumping the shark!

A more commonly discussed Titanic I story is the fourth funnel - a structure added to the ship's design for aesthetic reasons. The Titanic had three engines, three propellors and three functioning funnels. It has been suggested that the film should not have shown anything emerging from the fourth funnel.

However there is genuine confusion about this amongst Titanicologists - according to some sources the fourth funnel was used for deckchair storage, but others point out that steam and smoke from the ship's galleys would have escaped through this route. In addition, many of the original White Star Line posters seem to show four plumes, while this movie clip, seen in the first third of Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On video, seems to show only three.

To confuse matters even further, here's a photo from the front page of the New York Times - what exactly would you say was going on here? So I think we should cut Mr. Cameron a little slack on this one.

Meanwhile, if the trailer is anything to go by, the Asylum seems to have neatly sidestepped this controversy in Titanic II by not having any steam at all. I'll report back on this in my review of the film.

You can read more about Titanic I bloopers, genuine or otherwise, here at the IMDb. However there is one omission - I can't find any mention of those highly improbable scenes where people are clearly seen dancing without moving their arms.

Mock Mock Horror [Titanic II Week]

Please welcome my Guest Blogger Amanda, of Jigsaw's Lair. Irish horror fans Amanda and Jigsaw started their blog around the same time I did and over the past year and a half have watched - and reviewed - an impressive number of horror films (and, curiously, a few episodes of Hell's Kitchen.) I asked Amanda to come up with her own selection of mockbusters from the horror genre:

Have you ever seen a movie which has a plot suspiciously like a big blockbuster you have seen? Mockbusters are lookalikes of blockbuster films and sometimes, they can be a lot of fun! Horror mockbusters are plentiful too. Let me begin with one of the best ones. Paranormal Activity was a hit movie which was in the vein of The Blair Witch Project. I bet you haven't seen Paranormal Entity! Halloween was a classic slasher, but Halloween Night is the mockbuster!! When A Killer Calls is a tribute to When A Stranger Calls. Are You Scared is eerily like the Saw movies.

The Hitcher was a classic unlike The Hitchhiker - same plot. One of my favourites is Hillside Cannibals which is a doppelganger of The Hills Have Eyes. These movies may not be classics but they are worth a look just for the fun of it! Oh yes, don't forget Monster, which is a lookalike of Cloverfield!!!!! These movies should be enough to keep you entertained!

Thanks Amanda! I'll post my own thoughts about mockbusters shortly, just to note I also enjoyed Monster which is reviewed here; also Paranormal Entity, mentioned above, was directed by Shane Van Dyke - who went on to become the director of Titanic II. Be sure to check out Jigsaw's Lair to satisfy your horror movie cravings!

Ever Get That Sinking Feeling? [Titanic II Week]

Titanic Days by Kirsty Maccoll (1959-2000) is an epic song from the album of the same name. There doesn't appear to have been an official promotional video and I couldn't find any live performances either, but you can listen to the song at we7.

Iceberg! Dead Ahead! [Titanic II Week]

One hundred years after the maiden voyage of the Titanic, a replica ship sets off on to retrace the original course - with disastrous consequences. Titanic II, directed by Shane Van Dyke and produced by The Asylum, is released on DVD and Blu-Ray on 24th August. Welcome to Titanic II Week at The Sci-Fi Gene! Over the next few days join in the fun with reviews, commentary, tenuous links and bad puns: we're really pushing the boat out here.



Returning readers: please do not be alarmed. The Sci-Fi Gene remains as noncommercial, incorruptible and unsinkable as ever. Titanic II Week has been assembled at my own request and is an exercise in fandom rather than product placement: why miss the boat when you can go overboard?